Trusting Faith

But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. (Psalms 56:3 NLT)

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles. (Psalms 34:4-6 NLT)

Isn't it something that we have such difficulty grasping that God wants us to go to him for everything?
Good, bad, the ugly.
New and old.
Big or small.
Simple or complex.
I really do try to acknowledge that he really has his hand in everything we do. Even the simplest things, like when you're coming up to a red light and it turns green.
Thank you Lord.
You're about to walk out of the house and you remember something before you leave.
Thank you Lord.
It's in those seemingly simple things that he's there.

Currently I'm struggling with really trusting him and acting in faith. Trusting him with what little I have for him to multiply it. I suppose I feel that I don't deserve the difference of what he gives.
Lord help me to give you what I have and let me give you even what I don't have.

How do I give what I don't have? I feel like I should. The fact that giving in faith, or anything to do with faith, isn't something tangible. It's such a backwards thinking of what the world tells us. You have to start with something first. Faith works with the heart, the intentions, and motives. It can be a humbling experience too, and yet so challenging.

Sure many preachers and teachers speak on faith and its many forms, and we tune it out because we've heard it so often - I'm plenty guilty of that! But if its something being repeated, that means its important, right? Just like while reading the word. The way it's written enlightens you to the emotion to the text. Repeated phrases or words are no exception. And the fact that The Word is a living text the meaning emotion is deeper even further. It's really quite a beautiful thing.

Oftentimes I'm just reminding myself of Gods promises.

But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. (Psalms 56:3 NLT)

One of Those Moments

This week has been a very challenging week, in many numerous ways.

I tend to spend a lot of time alone, which I'm okay with, but it's not the best thing for me. Earlier in the week I came across a quote "Don't believe everything you think." It has such meaning to so many scenarios, but I found it especially meaningful to me because I'm often my worst enemy. It's incredible how quickly the mind can process different results, variables, and scenarios of various incidents you encounter in day-to-day life. Regardless of the results, or the detail, you can't believe everything you think.

So many questions I've asked myself and God this week. Trying to sort through the direction I'm heading and trying to make certain that its the path that God has for me, and making sure I'm walking in step with God. I'm constantly paranoid of that, I feel like I'm excessive about it. But this week has been one that I especially ask "God, am I really supposed to do this." And I know if it is I need Him to take my hand and guide me along.

I can just picture God listening to my thoughts and rambles and just sitting there, listening and coaxing me to work through it. Like a parent or teacher knowing that you are capable of the task set before you, with the occasional word of encouragement or guiding your focus. I love how God doesn't get bored with my trivial thoughts. What a tiny thing compared to the wisdom and awe of His great being. To be all that He is and yet care incredibly for my smallest thought. Wow.
What a love.
What a Father.
The way he works, orchestrating everything to His great plan. Working through people-friend or stranger, and sometimes through objects, or even animals. Just yesterday even, a spiritual mentor heard a word from God the moment they saw me. And wow what a word. God really knows what to say. And it's got me excited. Hard to say what it refers to but I'm looking forward to learning what it is. Then today was another incident. Been praying about timing and the words to say and someone I was talking to tells me something that has been in works for the same amount of time I was praying. I didn't know it, but God had already set it to motion the moment I talked to Him about it. How can people not believe in an intelligent creator. It's happened time and time again, and yet I'm still just as stunned as the first time. It's simply incredible.

Lord, help me to trust you through this, and giving it to you and let you manage all of this for me. Give me wisdom, steady my hands, and let your presence and handiwork show in my work.
Thank you Lord for all you have done, are doing, and will do. You have blessed me incredibly.

Decisions decisions

Well, school is finished. I am now a certified watchmaker. The sad part is I don't want to work on watches, I want to work on clocks. Sure I feel confident enough in the two months of the crash course in clocks (that the school was nice enough to give me to work on clocks), I can't help but really wish I had the clock certification instead. Now I really don't need the certification to work on clocks but I just would like to have that certificate hanging on my wall. It's challenging to try to explain to people my schooling. "well I'm certified in watches but I fix clocks". In my mind it makes me feel like I quite early and didn't complete my clock certification, when in reality the school was closing permanently. And yet with a legitimate excuse and the unnecessary need for the certificate, I can't help it feel a sense of failure with not having it. I've been trying to pinpoint how I've felt about this whole thing and I think that's what that feeling is- failure. I guess I'm thinking too from my customer's standpoint, my showing them a certificate could give them a sense of comfort when trusting me with their clock, which in many cases is a family heirloom. Now people who know me and know my passion for history and taking care of things I should have no problem with. Let's just hope word of mouth goes before me and my reputation precedes me. In addition to completed school I'm faced with decisions of what to do next. I'm just so looking forward to opening a little shop and dong my clock and Christmas thing, but at the moment I have no clue howd I'd make my rent, much less keep money back to buy more inventory or invest back into the business. I'm antsy to open a brick and mortar store. I just love working with people, especially my people, the Hanover people. But I need to face the facts and not put the cart before the horse. I need to work with what I have save up. The Downtown Hanover Visionary meeting tonight is not helping this itch one bit. Talk about downtown and setting goals of where we want it to be in the next 10 years just makes me drool. Every time I walk or drive through downtown I just see what it can be--will be. And I totally want to be apart of it. They're wanting to attract specialty-niched, and unique shops and restaurants to downtown. What better than a Christmas and Clock Emporium? They just kept on talking and I had the urge to jump up and down and say me! Me! Me! So many wheels are turning in my head, it's hard to keep up.

Life's Little Addictions

Watched Sherlock for the first time tonight. Wow, what a great brilliant show. I wish I could think as fast as Sherlock can talked. I think I'm a sucker for British television. More specifically referring to Doctor Who, and now Sherlock. I think what most appeals to me is the insanity that covers the shows. Which beneath the craziness is incredible logic and thought provoking scenarios. But most likely I'm just over thinking it. I tend to do that. 

Watching Sherlock though, really reminds me of Ted Dekker's thriller novels. I'm quite convinced he is my all time favorite author. Why? Just as is the case in Sherlock, Dekker creates circumstances that I just think he captures insanity incredibly. Yes I'm talking all this nonsense about insanity, but I like insanity. Not the crazy bad kind, but the good kind. You know, the delirium that is innocent and just fun. Now, oftentimes Dekker's insane characters tend to be the murderer, but the way he writes their thinking, it causes you to look at circumstances with a different outlook. I think it's important to be able to look at life from different standpoints. This creates understanding, and we all need more people to be more understanding. Knowing how it's like to be in their situation, even if it's just witnessing a friend who experienced the same situation. In addition, Dekker's books can sometimes be looked at as dark, or depression, when oftentimes they are simply real, and saying what needs to be said that no one ever says. It's like having that good friend that tells you that new haircut looks crappy. Somethings just need to be said. Dekker also has the great quality that he's Christian, so all of his books present that lifestyle. (I can only say for the ones I've read, but I'm confident its all of them) His books always have people who are God-fearing people or are being introduced to God for the first time. Of course being a thriller or suspense, there is always the infamous twist ending, of which Dekker never fails to deliver. 

I really like reading fiction that makes you think, sometimes rethink, many things in life. Sometimes, it's can have the same effect on me as a non-fiction book can have, but much more bearable. This kind of a read can often be enough to escape from reality into a fictional reality that you wish was real. Take that for logic.

Mothers Day

Today is Mothers Day, and it makes me think of how thankful I am for my parents. Both are very hard working, have instilled god morals and respect into me, and more importantly, have respected the fact that marriage is for life. I'm continually thankful for the fact that my parents are not divorced. Especially since their parents both experienced divorce, and I have much respect for my parents to break that. Of course being raised by God fearing mothers, and a stepfather in one case had alot to do with their being together for 23 years, and they've passed that onto me. Teaching me to respect marriage and take it seriously. I'm so thankful for them both.

My mom has been a great example of determination to me. Ever since I was little, she did whatever it took to make things better for her family. While dad put long hours in, mom was take care of the house, having yard sales, a part time job now and then, she was never afraid to get her hands dirty to get the job done, and I greatly admire her for that determination. It's a trait I wish to reflect. Not saying she has had her struggles, but she has come through them. My mom has not forgotten what it was like to be a teenager; the feelings, the emotions, the desires, or even the confusion. She is always "real" with me which I'm thankful for.

Not only am I blessed to have a mom and dad (which have stayed married) I'm also blessed to say I have two grandmothers still living, who are God fearing women. I may never know how many times they've prayed for not only me or the whole family, they are quite a blessing. In addition I have two great grandmothers still living, when I used to have 4. All of them are/were women of God and continually in the Word, what lives to live up to! Several strong women yet very motherly. They are all an incredible blessing. I often think of how good I have it, to not only have this many people around me, but the fact they are people of God. It's a great comfort.

On another note.
My late grandfather was known for his sense of humor, another person I greatly look up to. He used to always be sure to tell all the men in the family Happy Mothers Day. Haha, I find myself wanting to do the same thing.

Thank you Mom.
Thank you God.